They haven’t cheated on you, they weren’t even thinking about you.
Exactly! Why not? Because they’re unhappy and trying to find this feeling of “satisfied”. The pulling away is different for men and women.
What does a person mean by “cheating”?
Being intimate sexually is what is felt by “cheating”. It’s an illusion to think cheating has anything to do with sex itself. What a partner is really seeking is “intimacy” with the masculine or feminine side of themselves which they’re not feeling where they are. That’s all they are telling you. A man is seeking “satisfaction”, a woman is seeking “being seen, heard, felt and validated”.
The leading edge answer is that they are cheating on the outside because they are cheating themselves on the inside. They are going off looking for another scenario because they can’t see how their current situation can get them the experiences they are aching for.
Why does a man cheat?
Men operate more powerfully in the physical aspects of reality; they are more comfortable with everything they can see, hear, touch, taste and smell. He cheated or may cheat because his desire for sex is really the urge inside wanting to “connect with my feminine”. That’s why phrases like “satisfied, turned on” have been unconsciously attached to the behaviour. That’s exactly what this urge is telling him. A man “strays” because he can’t feel the beauty in his life. He can’t feel ecstasy. He’s not feeling “turned on or satisfied” in his life.
A good analogy for a man cheating is like having a super sports car on the drive but he can’t feel the joy of driving it. He needs to feel the roar of the engine and know that is being admired.
Women represent our “potential/feelings”, he is demonstrating that he feels his potential is not being realised in his “present situation”. He’s looking for a situation “more attractive” (and that is not a reference to the look or age of the woman). A man’s relationship with sex is a current indication of how satisfied he is with his connection to his potential. Sexual frustration means just that, frustration in his relationship between where he is physically and where he feels his joy and happiness is. Sex is not necessary for an ecstatic life but when a person feels a problem in that area, it is just the spirit talking!
What’s missing in your conversation?
The way to fulfill this imbalance is to encourage a man to pursue his very nature. Fundamentally a man needs to feel like he is a protector and provider, he needs freedom to experience a fight and he needs a damsel in distress to save. Most of these aspects come into play in his career but of course he is an individual and they may express themselves in many different areas.
It’s important to step into his shoes and think about the things you say to him and how they make him feel. He doesn’t have to swoop in and do everything for you and the family for him to “feel” he’s “saving the day”. Here’s an example of what a high earning, super multi-tasking, power woman and mother might say. “Babe, I love the way you make me feel safe. I love your strength. It inspires me in so many ways with challenges at work. You give me courage, I don’t think I could do it without having you in my life”.
As men represent the ability to get things done, it’s an illusion to assume that means “super busy or active”. Achievement is very important to him. When the moments get missed to help him feel powerful and needed, the pain accumulates until it can feel that it takes a huge effort to fix it. That’s not true. I met my husband at a time when we were both starting a new chapter and there were no “assets” for comfort! What we achieved together in two years was totally amazing. 20 years later, he still constantly reminds me, “Honey I achieved that because every day you said to me, “You can do anything you want babe”. He said, you have absolutely no idea what that did for me inside. Nobody has ever said that to me or encouraged me to do the things I wanted to.
Why does a woman cheat?
Women operate more powerfully in the non-physical aspects of reality; they are more comfortable with feelings, things they can sense, harmony, balance, potential and possibilities. She cheated or may cheat because she feels she doesn’t exist. She feels she is not being seen, heard and validated. As men represent our “power/physical reality, she is demonstrating that she feels she cannot make anything happen in this “present situation”. She’s looking for a situation where she matters and feel a sense of something more concrete happening.
A good analogy for a woman cheating is like having a fabulous trip in her mind. She’s totally fired up and excited but she is frustrated because she can’t find any transport to get her there.
Men represent our “power in the sense of being able to anything happen”. She is demonstrating that she feels her ability to make things happen is being hindered and feeling insecure in his “present situation”. She’s looking for a situation “more powerful” (and that is not a reference to how macho or super active the man is). A woman’s relationship with sex is about loyalty and support. Sexual frustration or seeking out another partner for her means she feels she’ll never get to where she wants to go. The destination for a woman is an “experience”, so it relates to whatever the scenario is in her mind that has her feeling “satisfied”. Sex is not necessary for an ecstatic life but when a person feels a problem in that area, it is just the spirit talking!
What’s missing in your conversation?
The way to fulfill this imbalance is to encourage a woman to pursue her very nature. Fundamentally a woman needs to feel that her beauty is seen and appreciated. The feminine realm is in the non-physical; in things that are not seen like feelings, imagination, possibilities.
It’s important to step into her shoes and think about the things you say to her and how they make her feel. Demonstrate you see her and don’t overestimate how powerful the smallest compliment is. Don’t lie because vibration is an area where women are especially sensitive. Just be present enough to think about recognising her. For example, “Honey you are such a kind person, I don’t know how you do it, you’re beautiful. Honey I love the way you keep the house, it always feels so homely. You look particularly nice today. Do you know how amazing you are? I love how amazing you are at multi-tasking, you get so many things done, you’re phenomenal. Honey thanks for doing the dishes, I know you’ve had a full day too, I really appreciate it.”
Beauty is not about how she looks. Seeking beauty physically is something men seek. That’s why you will often hear about men seeking out younger, more physically beautiful women, whereas you will rarely hear about a woman leaving her partner because of his overweight, wrinkly body! Beauty for women is about the non-physical attributes of us. Compliment her sensitivity, her sense of harmony and balance, the joy she contributes and most of all, her acts of kindness (which includes cooking dinner and washing up).
How does that apply to a same sex relationship?
Just the same. Two bodies may look the same sex but the relationship contains nature like every couple. Within that relationship, whether two women or men in physical body, one partner will always demonstrate a male or female in gender/nature.
So what do I do if I have decided to breakup?
If you are divorced or feel it’s just too hard to see a way forward together, own the decision. One of the most disempowering things couples do in divorce is say things like, “I did everything I could, I just couldn’t get it to work“. What you’ve just said is, “I have no power, this just happened to me and I could no nothing about it.” The most powerful approach is, “I was very unhappy and though I don’t fully understand why it happened, I know I could have turned it around but I took a decision to start a new chapter because I deserve to be happy.” That says I trust myself, I have all the power to have what I want and I’m going to make sure I do… and I’m at peace with my decision.” If or when you want to engage in an intimate relationship again then just use the tips on what is important to support in your partner.