By changing perception internally

Gay is not an identity, it’s an activity

Gay is being defined as an identity which it isn’t, this is where the CONFLICT begins. The only thing that defines “gay” is two people of the same sex having a physically intimate relationship. That’s it. Sex is totally normal and acceptable among consenting adults so where’s all the conflict really happening? Answer? Perception.

Whenever I introduce myself, it’s just “Hi, I’m Annemarie.” If I introduced myself with “Hi, I’m Annemarie, I have sex, I’m white and I’m English” , people would feel weird. They’d be thinking, what’s the sex and skin colour got to do with anything, I don’t give a toss who you’re sleeping with? That’s because they can feel it’s irrelevant.

If, as an individual, you treat a same-sex relationship as different to any other, it will stay different. So often, because we feel we want to be kind, we keep the momentum of a problem going because we’re not really observing what the problem is.

So how can we eradicate the word “Gay”?

By stopping hanging onto and supporting a “gay identity”. By not going to rallies or putting banners on facebook “in support” because we’re energetically saying you need help; we are actually keeping the resistance alive. If a relationship is normal, why are we making a fuss? By establishing an “identity”, you establish a separation (the same as black, hispanic, christian, jew, muslim, etc.). For “gay” to be eradicated, we must treat a same-sex relationship as normal.


I don’t want to be ‘normal,’ in fact I’m offended!

So there lies the problem. Why do you need a “gay identity”? The only thing that matters is who you are as a creator. When a person feels offended it’s just a conflict inside; the irritation is the evidence of two opposing voices; one voice agrees, one doesn’t. When you’re secure about how you feel about something, nobody can irritate or offend you. So it still comes down to asking the question, why is suggesting you don’t need a gay identity offensive?

I’m proud of being gay

I hear this so often. What is there to be proud of? It doesn’t make sense. Think about it, it’s like me saying “I’m proud of having sex with my husband or proud of being heterosexual“. What is it you’re trying to say? Is it “I’m happy with who I am?” Fantastic… then why the need for this gay identity? Why do you need to have rallies and get people sharing rainbow signs? If sexuality should be accepted as normal it doesn’t need a rally.


If I’m not in a same-sex relationship, how can I help?

By behaving towards anyone in a same sex relationship as if ‘gay’ didn’t exist and stop being politically correct!! By supporting people not to keep the separate identity alive and help them express their uniqueness as a creator. Who are they without their sexual identity? That’s where to help us all focus. You can’t heal anything whilst a separation remains because the definition of a separate identity is the evidence of non-acceptance as normal and natural. Find another reference point to identify anyone wanting to use the “gay” identity and if they ask why, tell them!


Annemarie, you don’t understand!

Annemarie, you have a mixed sex relationship, easy for you to say, you don’t understand. Yes, you’re right, it’s easy for me to say but that’s not the point. The point is your happiness, peace and self-acceptance matters to me. Whomever, you are as a reader, if what I say irritates you it means you are not clear.

Don’t argue to keep your limitation, that’s what we do with everything that hurts us. Ask yourself this, why do I need the word “gay”? What is it you feel you can’t express confidently and need this identity? It’s important for your peace and happiness to listen to the feelings. The acceptance of normalcy has to come from you first, but you can’t experience your relationship being accepted as normal whilst maintaining a dialogue and insisting on a lifestyle that SEPARATES itself.

Separation maintains separation

All separation and conflict happens inside us. If sexual preference doesn’t matter then the words gay and heterosexual have to leave the conversation. If skin colour doesn’t matter then black, hispanic, latino have to leave the conversation. If you claim you’re American then you cannot be “African American”. That’s like me saying I’m English, Irish, Italian, American, Brazilian, Danish because I’ve lived in several countries. I AM ENGLISH because I was born in England. No confusion inside me!

Our sexual preference is not our identity. Our name is our identity and we are given a name as a symbol. It reflects our need to be identified as individual creators with individual expression.


Gay is not an identity, it’s an activity. The feeling of separation on the inside will continue to cause separation on the outside. If we don’t change the dialogue to treat everyone as if their sexual partner is irrelevant, victimhood will continue to exist.  We are responsible as individuals to make sure we support conversation and activity that makes sexual behaviour irrelevant to our identity. In fact, the word heterosexual was rarely used or even understood until the word “gay” became a definition and started a comparison, e.g. separation. The change has to come from within no matter who you are as a participant.